The First Week After Maternity Leave

My little guy!

Well I have made it through an entire week of work. I don’t know how I did it but I survived. And let me tell you, it has been one of the longest weeks I have ever gone through.

I ended up being more ready for work than I thought I was and enjoyed the break. By the end of my leave I was so bored. I needed to be back around adults. I mean, conversations with a baby are a bit one sided.  I was also having issues with my anxiety. I was freaking out about how my first day back would go, if I would be late, if I would remember how to do my job blah bah blah. I needed to get it over with.

The hard part was not necessarily missing Buddy but just not being fully rested. That made everything much worse and amplified me missing him. When you are on maternity leave you can go back to bed as many times as you want. But when you have to go to work, you can only sleep so long. Luckily Buddy’s last feeding is around 4:30 AM which isn’t too much earlier than when I used to get up. But combine losing an hour there and multiple feedings throughout the night, you a very exhausted Carmen. A Carmen who is falling asleep at the wheel on the way home. I was hoping for a coffee iv this week. Do they make them?

One thing I have learned this week is that I cannot do everything. Until he starts sleeping longer or I get used to this being a mombie (mom zombie) thing, I cannot expect as much from myself. I was so stressed out trying to workout, sleep, keep the house clean and make sure I felt like I got enough love in with Buddy. Then I realized I had to cut something so I cut working out. If I have extra time or energy to do so, WONDERFUL. Otherwise it isn’t on my “to do” list and I am not going to make myself feel bad about it if it doesn’t happen. So for the time being I will be eating healthy and enjoying my little man.

As far as missing Buddy, it was hard. I cried a bit when I left him but I found that if I kept busy, it wasn’t so bad. I finally broke down on Friday. That was when I really missed him and cried during work. I think this was a combination of complete exhaustion and being away from him for so long. I kept myself busy and counted down until 4 o’clock.

Now I sit here preparing to face another week of work and I feel better than I did the prior Sunday. I made it through the first week and I can make it through this one.




Buddy- One Month Update

One Month Update

I am a few weeks late on this but I cannot believe Buddy is already a month old! He has already brought so much joy to my life, I can’t imagine how I lived my life without him.

I figured I would do monthly updates for his first year so hopefully that is okay with you guys:)

Quick Updates-Buddy One Month Update

  • Buddy weighs around 8.5 lbs right now, so he has grown quite a bit from his original birth weight of 5 lbs 15.8oz.
  • He is much more alert now, his main awake time is from 5 am to 7 am (AKA mommy cuddle time)
  • He wakes up to eat every 2.5 to 3.5 hours (He can go longer anytime he wants, momma is ready!)
  • He has less wrinkles in his forehead and is filling out quite nicely
  • We swtiched him to formula (I will do another post on that and link it)
  • He enjoys these bottles
  • He is running out of room in his newborn clothes and will have to go to 0-3 soon
  • He is not smiling on demand yet, but he does have the cutest smile
  • His cold is finally gone!
  • It seems that he has blocked tear ducts as his eyes are watery and crusty when he wakes up. I am making sure I massage the ducts every time he gets changed.
  • He LOVES his swing, it is the only way I get any sleep. BLESS IT!

That is about it! He is growing like a week and is loved by a ton of people!

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Maternity Leave Blues- Going Back to Work Sucks

Maternity Leave Blues

Leaving isn’t easy.

As my maternity and time with my little one draws to a close I am finding it harder and harder to be happy. Friends and family tell me to “enjoy the time I have left” and to not think about the fact that in two short sweet weeks I have to go back to work. I have to go back to mornings without cuddles (one of our favorite morning activities, see picture from this mornings session). Days without changing a dirty diaper and getting peed on. Afternoons without petting his silky baby hair. A whole day without my baby.

Maternity Leave Blues- The truth about going back to work.Luckily I got to take eight weeks off with him but that still doesn’t seem like enough. I mean, I carried my child for 36 weeks and now I am supposed to only see  him for a few hours at night? It is like a part of me is going to be left behind. Maternity leave in America sucks ass.

Some could argue that I decided to have a child and I should have thought about that prior to having him. That I should have waited until our finances were in order before having him. You know there are those assholes out there that will say that. Most of those people don’t have children, but that is besides the point. In response, I didn’t know I would feel that way. I had no idea what this love was like. Unless you have had a child, you have no idea what this feels like and I do not think you can fully prepare yourself for leaving them. Even if I did know, why should I wait years and years?

I have spent hours trying to figure out what bills I could cut, what we could live without in order for me to stay home. My husband even said he would get another job ( which is ridiculous, but you can tell he loves me). Ways I can earn some extra money in order to get some more cuddles in. The fact is that I can’t cut back any of the bills, apparently we need heat and shelter. I can’t make enough to offset what we would lose. We cannot live on one income. I have to go back to work.

I know millions of mothers do it every year and I will be fine. There are a few things that make me feel a little better about going back. I know he will be in good hands and he will be loved all day & in reality, he doesn’t care if I am there or not. He is a baby. The only person that this will bother is me. The thing that is helping the most is what my mother said,

“By you going back to work, you are

giving him a better life. You are making

sure he will have everything he needs.

You are being a good strong roll model.

You are being a good mother.”

So for the next two weeks I will be enjoying the last days of morning cuddles, being spit up and peed on all day and the sweet baby smell. Because I have to go back to cubicles & slacks.

How long did you take off work? Do you feel like you got enough time?

Maternity Leave Blues- The struggle of going back to work.