Well I have made it through an entire week of work. I don’t know how I did it but I survived. And let me tell you, it has been one of the longest weeks I have ever gone through.
I ended up being more ready for work than I thought I was and enjoyed the break. By the end of my leave I was so bored. I needed to be back around adults. I mean, conversations with a baby are a bit one sided. I was also having issues with my anxiety. I was freaking out about how my first day back would go, if I would be late, if I would remember how to do my job blah bah blah. I needed to get it over with.
The hard part was not necessarily missing Buddy but just not being fully rested. That made everything much worse and amplified me missing him. When you are on maternity leave you can go back to bed as many times as you want. But when you have to go to work, you can only sleep so long. Luckily Buddy’s last feeding is around 4:30 AM which isn’t too much earlier than when I used to get up. But combine losing an hour there and multiple feedings throughout the night, you a very exhausted Carmen. A Carmen who is falling asleep at the wheel on the way home. I was hoping for a coffee iv this week. Do they make them?
One thing I have learned this week is that I cannot do everything. Until he starts sleeping longer or I get used to this being a mombie (mom zombie) thing, I cannot expect as much from myself. I was so stressed out trying to workout, sleep, keep the house clean and make sure I felt like I got enough love in with Buddy. Then I realized I had to cut something so I cut working out. If I have extra time or energy to do so, WONDERFUL. Otherwise it isn’t on my “to do” list and I am not going to make myself feel bad about it if it doesn’t happen. So for the time being I will be eating healthy and enjoying my little man.
As far as missing Buddy, it was hard. I cried a bit when I left him but I found that if I kept busy, it wasn’t so bad. I finally broke down on Friday. That was when I really missed him and cried during work. I think this was a combination of complete exhaustion and being away from him for so long. I kept myself busy and counted down until 4 o’clock.
Now I sit here preparing to face another week of work and I feel better than I did the prior Sunday. I made it through the first week and I can make it through this one.