I am drained & done.
I called my sister in-law last night and had a breakdown. I am freaking mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know if hormones are the reasons I am feeling so crazy (I am guessing they are) but I have never felt more overwhelmed and exhausted in my life.
This mommy needs some chocolate and wine… ASAP
I knew that adjusting to life with a baby and work would be a difficult task, but I wasn’t prepared for just how hard everything is. I am finding myself struggling to get everything done in a day (story of EVERY mom’s life, I know). I can’t work, take care of the house stuff (my husband does help), make/ plan dinner, take care of Buddy, make sure I have enough time with Buddy, make sure my ADHD stepdaughter isn’t destroying my house and is getting enough attention, check her schoolbag/ homework and see all these freaking family members that are apparently mad at me because I never see them anymore.
I cannot do it all. I am not a freaking robot.
I just feel like so many people want and need so many things from me, and I cannot do it all. I know I can’t and I will have to get over it, but everyone else does too.
For example, I cannot be the only one responsible for my stepdaughter. I am not making Valentines or making sure her school bag is packed every day. That is her parents job. Yes, I know I am a step parent but my job is to make sure she is happy and healthy. Her mother needs to step up and actually do this stuff. That is her freaking job. I am not a freaking nanny, and that is how I feel.
Which is why I quit. I am going to quit doing all of that stuff, along with watching her when my husband is at work. I can’t handle it right now. Things would be different if I didn’t commute 2 hours a day or if she didn’t have so many issues (she has ADHD and is very difficult to deal with because of lack of discipline at her mothers). Bottom line is she is a difficult child and my mental health is more important.
I also have family members that are apparently upset and think I am mad at them because I don’t see or call them as much as I used to. Uhm— I have a baby now. My life is totally different now. Not to mention, my life does NOT revolve around you I apologize. If you want to see me so badly, call me. I will try to answer but if I don’t, there is no need to be pissed off at me. It is ridiculous, do you really think that makes me want to see you more? OH and if you come over, bring food or clean something.
Then money.. ugh. Crap keeps coming up and I feel like I can’t breathe. Being on maternity leave and not having a normal income for 7 weeks sucked. Now we are trying to catch back up with the additional expenses of a baby such as formula, diapers and daycare. I mean I knew it was coming but getting caught back up is really hard and is stressing me out horribly.
I do enough.
I have enough.
I am enough.